How to love your body when you're chronically ill

Chronic illness can be a literal pain in the ass

It can also make it very difficult to feel and act lovingly towards your body, because let’s face it, if you have chronic illnesses and/or chronic pain, especially during flare-ups, it can sometimes feel like your body is the enemy.

Here is a non-exhaustive (though still very exhausting) list of my chronic illnesses and their effects on my body:

  • Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS)

    • All my tissues (inside and out) are extra fragile

    • Chronic, wide-spread pain & fatigue

    • Frequent joint dislocations or partial dislocations

  • Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)

    • I get dizzy when I change positions

    • Increased fatigue

  • Fibromyalgia

    • Brain fog

    • Chronic, wide-spread pain & fatigue

    • Terrible and completely random “electric shock” pains

  • Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS)

    • Random “allergic” reactions to things I’m not actually allergic to

    • Chronic inflammation

    • Chronic, wide-spread pain & fatigue

  • Endometriosis

    • Incredibly painful periods

    • Frequent ovarian cyst ruptures (sometimes requiring an ER trip)

  • Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

    • Deep depression and increased anxiety just before each period

    • Suicidal ideation (don’t worry, I get the help that I need because I’m aware of what this condition does to me each month)

  • *Autism

    • *Autism isn’t a chronic illness, but it is a disability and it does affect my energy levels and how things feel in my body

Given the above, I know it sounds like it would be impossible to think happy thoughts, or even neutral ones, about my body, but I’ve found practices that work well for me, and I’m sharing them with you in case they help you too!

Self-Love Practices

  • Reading

    • Reading about how people deal with difficult life situations in realistic and attainable ways that aren’t just inspiration porn, especially from a Buddhist perspective, has really helped me give myself grace and compassion, which helps me feel more lovingly towards my body.

    • Books I’ve read that have helped me navigate chronic illness:

  • Dopamine Dressing

    • Dopamine dressing is dressing in a way that sparks joy for yourself. This doesn’t mean “high fashion” (which is often uncomfortable), it could mean something very comfortable that is just a bright color or bold pattern, or accessories that make you smile when you see them in the mirror.

    • How I dopamine dress lately:

      • I’ve discovered a love of brightly colored onesies! From Imbodhi’s strappy jumpsuits to Snag Tights coveralls in bright magenta, I feel like a toddler when I wear them in the best way possible - it makes me happy and they’re super comfortable!

  • Accommodations

    • Making accommodations for yourself (as though you were your own employer) is an important part of treating your body with care and respect. People with chronic illnesses and disabilities get a lot of messages about “toughing it out” and how “you can overcome anything if you put your mind to it”. I’m not here for that toxic positivity bullshit, and I don’t think it’s helpful. It is more than okay to make your life easier where you can.

    • Accommodations I’ve given myself recently:

      • A remote page turner for my e-reader sounded ridiculous at first, but as a person who has early-onset osteoarthritis due to hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, it’s done wonders to cut down on repetitive movements that can cause pain

      • More pillows, cuz you can never have too many

  • Self-care

    • The act of physically caring for your body can help you feel more lovingly about your body and yourself. Lean into that to develop self-care practices that prioritize touching your body in loving ways (which don’t have to be sexual), and do them consistently, and see how your feelings about your body improve over time.

    • How I’ve been caring for myself recently:

      • I had a massage where the therapist did dynamic cupping and WOW, it was amazing! So I bought myself this silicone cupping set that I can use at home when I’m having a flare-up and they’re amazing

  • Tattoos

    • Getting tattoos on or near body parts you struggle with (as long as it won’t impede with necessary surgeries, ports, etc.) can be a powerful way to reclaim certain parts of your body in a way that feels good and makes you smile whenever you look at those parts in the mirror. Tattoos can also be used to help us symbolize new chapters in our lives and give us confidence.

    • What is my latest tattoo?

      • I am currently working on a 1/2 sleeve tattoo of The Empress (of tarot fame), which represents maternal love, abundance, caring, and intuition to commemorate the year I step away from the corporate world to focus my time entirely on photography! This tattoo is a reminder to me every day that I have what I need within me to be successful and happy in this new creative space, and to trust my intuition

  • Self-portraits

    • Never underestimate the importance of regularly seeing yourself in a positive way. I don’t mean selfies with snapchat filters of heart freckles, I mean unfiltered, sometimes even raw, self-portraits that help you feel powerful or vulnerable or sexy or whatever it is you need to feel that day. Don’t be afraid to get your whole body in the photo. And no, you don’t have to be a photographer to do this, anyone can with just their phone or computer!

    • My latest self-portraits:

 

Wherever you are in your journey to having a better relationship with your body, know that even in the midst of chronic illness and chronic pain, it is possible to love and appreciate your body. And on days where that feels like too tall an order? You can still treat your body with kindness, care, and respect. I hope these self-love tips help!

Sam

 

Seven ways to improve your body image

Improving your body image takes a lot of work

But don’t let that deter you, because it is absolutely worth it! The work is important and doable! Here are some tips, in no particular order, on ways you can work towards improving your body image, in addition to the reflective inner work needed.

1. Curate your social media

Sure, it would probably be better for all of us if we were off social media entirely, but we live in a world where social media may be necessary for business or personal reasons. If you’ve got to be on social media, be sure to carefully curate what’s on your feed. Unfollow individuals, companies, or influencers who are heavily entrenched in diet or “wellness” culture and start following fabulous fat folks and people who are anti-diet or Health At Every Size (HAES) practitioners. This is also a great opportunity to follow a more diverse set of people all around, so that you’re more often exposed to the voices of disabled folks, queer folks, Black folks, and folks in other marginalized communities. So much of our feelings about our bodies and our worth come from what we see in the media, but we’re adults now, and we get to decide the media we expose ourselves to.

2. Take more pictures of yourself and ditch the filters

When we’re uncomfortable with how we look, especially if we’re comparing ourselves to others or a past version of ourself (perhaps pre-kids), it can be easy to shy away from photos, whether that’s having our photos taken or taking pictures of ourselves, but one of the best ways to normalize our bodies to our own brains is to see more of our bodies! So take more pictures of yourself. Resist the urge to apply those snapchat filters! Resist the urge to only take pictures of yourself from the neck up. Get your whole dang torso in there. Have other folks take photos of you (like me for instance)! Give yourself permission to be in the photo, and then get on in there! You are worthy of being documented exactly as you are right now.

3. Explore body neutrality

If body love and body acceptance seem a little out of reach from where you’re starting, why not explore body neutrality? Body neutrality is the concept of simply accepting that your body exists, that it’s worth of respect and care right now, whether or not you love it in this very moment. Body neutrality can be a very freeing practice, but it’s a critical step in the journey to improve your body image. You won’t love your body every minute of every day, and that’s okay. What you can do, is accept that your body exists, and treat it with respect and kindness in each moment, and allow your body to simply be.

4. Get some tattoos

No seriously. Tattoos are an amazing way to adorn your body in a way that feels special and helps you have positive feelings towards specific parts of your body. I used to struggle to love my thighs, but an unexpected bonus of getting thigh tattoos was that the second my tattoos had healed up, I suddenly found a new appreciation for my own thighs as the works of art they are! Find a tattoo artist you love, save the money if you have to, and get yourself a sparkly new tattoo to help you love specific areas of your body that deserve your care.

5. Buy clothes that fit you

This one sounds so simple, but because of our size obsessed culture, it can actually be pretty traumatic to admit that your clothing sizes have changed, so we stuff ourselves into clothes that are uncomfortable and are literally hurting us so that we don’t have to change clothing sizes. Were we “just more comfortable” when we weighed less, or were we physically more comfortable then because our clothes fit better? We often think loving our body comes first, and then we will treat our body with care and respect, but actually, treating our body with the care and respect it deserves helps us learn to love our bodies. So one of the first things you can do to have a better relationship with your body is to make sure you’re not hurting it by stuffing it into clothing that is too small. Let that tum be free and stop holding onto clothing that no longer serves you.

6. Get rid of your scale

Yeah… I know how hard this one is. If you’re anything like me, you spent way too much time congratulating yourself anytime the scale went down and berating yourself anytime the scale went up. But your worth isn’t defined by a number on the scale, and you don’t have decide whether you’re having a good or bad day based on such an arbitrary measurement. Unless there is a medical reason (a real one, not just being in a larger body) for you to know what you weigh on a regular basis, get rid of your scale completely, and just adjust clothing sizes based on fit as needed. Free yourself from the scale’s tyranny and start living your life without worrying about what the scale has to say about it!

7. Institute a zero tolerance policy about negative self talk

Whether that’s from yourself, your spouse, or your friends and family. When you catch yourself speaking negatively about your own body, try to replace negative self talk with neutral phrases about your body. When others around you are speaking negatively about their bodies (since this is apparently how some of us bond), don’t engage, change the subject, or set a boundary that you’d prefer not to hear negative self talk or diet talk from your friends and family when you’re together. Sometimes folks may have a difficult time with these boundaries, so be prepared to be kind but firm. This is one of the hardest habits to break, and one of the hardest boundaries to set with body image, because of how pervasive complaining about our bodies is, but with practice, it does get easier and becomes more of a reflex, which supports an overall better body image.

I hope these tips help you, and if you have any others you’d like to share, leave them in the comments below!

—Sam

Nine pre-session self-love affirmations

Need a little self-love pick me up pre-session (or anytime)?

Try these nine self-love affirmations!

For when chronic illness makes it hard to love your body…

  1. My body is still worthy of respect and care even on days when my chronic illness of disability causes me pain

  2. I love and accept my body just the way it is today

  3. On days when I struggle to love my body, I can practice body neutrality and self-care

For when you need a self-love boost…

  1. I am a fucking legend who is worthy of love, respect, and kindness, especially from myself

  2. My body does not need to change in order to be worthy of love and affection

  3. I embrace my body as it changes over time - I am grateful to be able to see my body’s journey

For when emotions are negatively impacting your body image…

  1. I deserve the same patience and grace that I extend to others to be extended to me also

  2. My body is a source of strength, not insecurity or shame

  3. I am allowed to take up space physically and emotionally in my relationships and in the world at large

I know affirmations can feel silly (like I really get it), but they are powerful! Try saying these (yes, out loud) to yourself in the mirror, and/or try writing them down and reading them aloud or using the written affirmations as a part of a little self-love ritual to root yourself in your intentions. The most important thing is giving yourself grace, and treating yourself, and your body, with love, respect, and kindness.

—Sam